29. The Hubs turned 33 last week. Happy Birthday baby!! This also initiated whole conversation about having kids...again. For the millionth time.
The question is now do we spend $34567890 dollars trying to do infertility treatments so I can actually be pregnant and have our own child, which is not even a guarantee, or do we adopt. I can tell you my first wish is to have our baby. I want to be pregnant. I want to breastfeed. I want to see what crazy combination God comes up with for the Hubs and I's baby. Boy or Girl? Red, blond or brown hair? Straight or curly? Blue or green eyes? Tall or not? I got to feel my friend's, who is 9 months pregnant, baby girl kick and I actually thought I was going to cry...right there...with my hand on her belly. It was pathetic crazy.
I am pretty desperate in that sense but I also have moral issues with IVF and creating a petri dish baby and then implanting it. Additionally, it's not a guarantee and it's expensive. So many people have success with it but there are plenty of others, 50% to be exact that don't. So it's a total toss up. Plus if we spend the thousands of dollars on that route, we will have to wait a while before we can even consider adopting because, financially, we'd be drained.
I turned another year old and so did the Hubs and we are really feeling the pinch. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. Does everyone else have this much fun? Does everyone else's calendars book up with invites months in advance? I have tons of friends who don't have kids and even a few that aren't even married yet but I still worry that time is running out. With shows out there like Sex in the City where women are empowered and don't have kids or don't want kids until they are much older, you'd think I recongize that and just enjoy what's happening and go with it...but that's not me. I want to control EVERYTHING. Grrrrr.
So now that we know what our options are we've decided to seriously look at IVF and what exactly it would cost us by setting up and appointment. Now that we are in the DFW area we are going to visit the physicians www.ivfmd.com and see what they recommend. Then we'll hopefully make the best decision possible. Wish us luck.